Hai, i’m a seventeen year old English girl and to be honest, my problem is I haven’t gotten close to anyone romantically in about three years. I just can’t do it, I think i’ve developed a complex. Everytime someone comes close I mess it up by being all nervous and speechless; I’ve tried everything I can think of to improve my possiblities, but now I’m simply playing the “If you aren’t looking for it, you’ll find love” game. I’m losing. I think one of the problems is is that I did love a boyfriend a while ago, but in the end he chose my best friend. I no have this jealousy of her that I never express but it’s always there seething away. She’s amazing with guys, she’s loud and confident which I am not. I just don’t see the point in trying if they’re always going to pick her, is that right? How can I fix this? She’s still my best friend after all, I don’t want to loose her, even if I do get an urge sometimes to shave her eyebrows off or glue impliments to her face whilst she sleeps so I have a better chance. Annoyingly long and generic question over ^_^.

I enjoyed this question a whole lot because you added some humor in here. But, the advice I can give you is that you have to find someone whom doesn’t know your best friend. Start talking to a boy that is out of that group of friends if you know what I mean. You deserve someone for your own just as she deserves someone. You can speak up to her about it even, tell her how you feel, that you feel like she always gets what you want. Tell her you need to her to back off for a little. You can’t force yourself to be happy, and you can’t make other people happy if you yourself aren’t. You really have to sit down with your parents and tell them that if they don’t understand where you are coming from you can keep cutting yourself. Go to the school help as well, get a therapist. GET HELP. It is out there, I promise someone is out there to help you. Dear whoever is reading this. Guess what? You are loved. No, don’t nod you head and say you’re not. You are. You are lovely and you are loved. End of story.
-JaneDoe

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For the past four or five months I’ve been depressed. I’ve also been cutting myself. I’m trying to keep a brave face for my friends and families sake, but I’m finding it too hard. My parents think I’m just being a teenager, but it doesn’t feel like teenage moodswings. I’ve tried to talk to them about it, but they just laughed at me. Do you have any advice for me? :/

You can’t force yourself to be happy, and you can’t make other people happy if you yourself aren’t. You really have to sit down with your parents and tell them that if they don’t understand where you are coming from you can keep cutting yourself. Go to the school help as well, get a therapist. GET HELP. It is out there, I promise someone is out there to help you. Dear whoever is reading this. Guess what? You are loved. No, don’t nod you head and say you’re not. You are. You are lovely and you are loved. End of story.
-JaneDoe

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I’ve slept with 11 guys and 1 girl. I don’t know what to do, I mean I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything.. Should I go to the doctors? I’m kind of too scared to. I don’t know what to do.

You shouldn’t be scared to go to a doctor. Your health is so important. Go to a doctor and make sure, take a friend with you if it helps. Friends with you when you go to a doctor might make it a lot easier for you.
-JaneDoe

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thanks for following. can you say something about time management please? by philipjaramillo

When you know how to manage your time you gain control. Rather than busily working here, there, and everywhere (and not getting much done anywhere), effective time management helps you to choose what to work on and when. This is essential if you’re to achieve anything of any real worth. Make goals, and follow them.
-JaneDoe

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im super super super attracted to my math teacher. i want him so bad. he is married. he is less than 15 years older than me. but i mean its still illegal. but i want him so bad. if i had more self esteem i would probably flirt with him just to see if he would flirt back. but im not gonna do that. xD. anyway, so yeah i want him really bad sexually. like seriously. i have him every day and its so hard concentrating. so how do i stop wanting him so much? its stopping me from even being able to look him in the eye sometimes.

Change teachers. Lol, this is a really hard situation but you need to change teachers. Go to your guidance counselor and tell them that your personalities don’t match and you need to switch because it’s making you have troubles learning, and you think you would do better if you had another teacher.
-JaneDoe

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I’m feeling pretty lousey after I just had an argument with my ex over him still loving his other ex girlfriend. He says that the reason why we broke up is because I was too childish, I never had fun and I take things too serious. He now makes me feel 10000000x smaller than I am and makes me feel so bad about myself I often feel depressed.I confronted him and said to him that all he does is kiss me and meet with me when he’s bored and needs love. I don’t know if any of this makes sense to you, but I’d love for you to make me feel even the smallest bit better about myself.

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible and how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. It doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. and you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. Dear whoever is reading this. Guess what? You are loved. No, don’t nod you head and say you’re not. You are. You are lovely and you are loved. End of story.
-JaneDoe

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how do i start talking to a really cute guy that i see around school,or as in hes not in any of my classes?we don’t have any mutual friends so its hard, and i need help :P

Lol, maybe drop your books when he’s around. Start looking at him more, and make sure he catches you looking. Swiftly walk into him in the hall ways and make the “Oops sorry, I didn’t realize how close I was to you, haha” Move.
-JaneDoe

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I’m afraid of having anal sex..but my friend said it was actually okay. Im not sure what to do.

If you don’t want to do it, don’t. I myself have never experience it. Talk to a doctor about it, or maybe google it and see other peoples opinions on how it is. I don’t see it being safe. So I would advise you not to.
-JaneDoe

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For the past… four months, I’ve been depressed. I’ve also been cutting myself. I’ve been trying to keep happy, to make my friends in real life, and on tumblr happy, but I don’t think it’s working anymore. My parents think I’m just being a teenager, but it doesn’t feel like just teenage moodswings. I’m fed up of trying to hide how I feel. Do you have any advice? I’ve tried to tell my parents how I feel, but they just laughed at me.

You can’t force yourself to be happy, and you can’t make other people happy if you yourself aren’t. You really have to sit down with your parents and tell them that if they don’t understand where you are coming from you can keep cutting yourself. Go to the school help as well, get a therapist. GET HELP. It is out there, I promise someone is out there to help you. Dear whoever is reading this. Guess what? You are loved. No, don’t nod you head and say you’re not. You are. You are lovely and you are loved. End of story.
-JaneDoe

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Are you qualified at all to give advice? What happens if you tell someone something and they go and hurt themselves? Maybe you should only do this if you are a qualified professional. You could end up doing more harm than good. Just a thought.

For anyone who takes advice from me, they are getting advice because they want to. At least they are asking SOMEONE. If it is things that have to do with cutting and such, I tell them things that I know will not harm them. I know what I am doing at that point. No one has to listen to me, but that is besides the point.
-JaneDoe

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i love him but he sometimes ignores me, sometimes he doesn’t. but it hurts. it just hurts. hes my friend. and i have to deal with the things he does and pretend that they don’t hurt me. i have to pretend that i dont feel anything when he flirts with another girl in my face. i have to brush it off when i get the feeling that he wants me too. when other people tell me he likes me, i know he doesnt. because they dont know us. they just know a story. they don’t know. i dont even know how he feels. but im sick of this torture. i want to be over him. how do i get over perfection?

Well first of all, do you know he doesn’t like you? Have you ever asked him? You should bring it up before you try and get over him. It might make it easier if you know for a fact that he doesn’t like you that way. But getting over someone is always difficult. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible and how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. It doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. and you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
-JaneDoe

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answer my question about me and my ex? i’m so desperate.

I’m answering them as quickly as I can, but I think them over. I have like 15 inboxs and it’s a lot, so it takes time. Sorry.
-JaneDoe

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i think i love someone i barley know, could it be lust? it will never happen tho. hes 9 years older then i am, i met him threw his band and from what i know, his past girlfriends are the skinny pretty type. ive seen his band 12 times, and i spent a lot of time with him all of these days. ive talked to him a couple times viz myspace/facebook/aim/saynow. ill explain day by day and i want a strangers opinion. first time time i met him, even say him i thought he was one of the most attractive guys i have ever seen. not so much just his looks tho -even tho he is pretty cute ;)- but just everything about him. while his band was playing, his energy he put out the the crowd was amazing. he held my hand a couple times, we made eye contact while he sang. after the show i went up, introduced myself and took a picture wth him, bought a cd and shirt and left to talk to the band i was originally there to see. 2nd time. it was like…2 weeks later and me and a friend had driven 10 hours away to see them and the other band again. as soon as he got there he remembered me and remembered what city i was from. i was blown away cause this had never happened to me before. before the show we didnt talk so much but then when he played, he did the same thing again, made eye contact a lot and so on. afterwords i talked to him for a good half hour and also talked to the other members of the band. as they where packing up and stuff i was standing around and i was just watching him like fold all the tshirts and put them in the toat. i offered to help and he said he didnt need any but thanks anyways. then every so often we look at eachother at the same time and smile. me, my friend and the rest of the band stood around their van for awhile just talking and stuff and then they had to leave. this was early august of 08 3rd time. march of 09 i went to see his band play. i bought him cough drops because he had mentioned on twitter he was sick. i had been talking to the band on myspace a lot threw that time. they called to wish me happy birthday threw saynow and everything. Jacob -not really his name but itll do- even called separately to wish me a happy birthday. Jacob knew me by name now and the rest of the band did too kinda. so we hung out a lot that night because there was only like 10 people at the show and most of them where there for the other band. i dont really remember the order and what happened time after time after that but i know he snook me into an 18+ show and tried on a different occasion but the venue wouldnt let him. my friend who lives a couple states away went to one of their shows and she had him call me and she said that at first he couldnt hear me and when he finally could, his face lit right up. 8th time. warped tour- i spent 3/4 of the day with them. putting up posters or just helping with merch. it was really fun and we kept hugging a lot and he was very intimate with me on the stage, like always singing to me and pointing me out saying im awesome for helping them out and supporting them. 9. i went to this warped date by myself. i was 4 hours from home and he seemed really excited to see me there. i spent the whole day with them other then seeing the 3 or 4 bands i wanted to. that day he invited me to the bbq afterwords and we hung out on there bus and got into a deep discussion for about 3 hours. 10 warped tour again. this day i went with friends but they kinda did their own thing because i wented to help them so i walked around with the sign saying there set time and stage on it for an hour or so. kept him company when he did and so on. just like another warped date. he wanted me and my friends to come to the bbq that night and he told me hed come get me around 9. around 930 their tour manager texted me saying that theyre having an intense band meeting and its getting heated and hes sorry and theyll miss me til next time. 11. last warped tour date. i was still around them for most of the day. “jacob” was very huggy that day too and he was really interested in meeting my friends and stuff. we didnt even say bye on this date or anything. end of july 12. this was just 2 days ago. during this time i hadnt seen him or the rest of the band, my brother had committed suicide and they where sooo supportive. they sent me flowers and wanted me to update them on how i was doing and everything [at first they didnt know if it was suicide or murder] i didnt tell them i was coming to this show so when he seen me his face lit up and he came over and give me a big hug, asking me how i was doing with everything and pointed out that i was wearing my brothers dogtag [he was in the marines] and he was so happy to see me. the show was great he again he sang to me alot and in one of their songs a lyric is “i like it hott a dirty rather then cold and clean” and every single time since about the 3rd show ive been to, he makes eye contact with he during that part. but anyways, he also pointed out again that i was awesome for coming and stuff. they had about 40 people to see them there, its not a lot but it is when 6 months ago not even 10 where there. after the show i was teasing him about how hes famous now because theyve been on tour with huge bands recently and he said hell never wants to be ‘famous’ in my eyes and hell never be to famous to talk to me and that im his favorite and he really thinks of my as a friend not a fan and being huggy too. a while back i asked him if hed be interesting in drawing me a tattoo -hes a phenomenal artist- and he said hed love to and hed been busy so he hadnt had a chance but he said hes going to work on it and we got on the subject of the tattoo im getting dedicated to me brother and i told him the lyric and he said that he really liked it and wanted to get it done and he wants to get it done with me. so i was really happy and yeah. i just love being around him. when i am, i feel so safe, and like nothing else matters. whenever he signs something for me he draws hearts. a couple months ago i sent them a really sappy letter on myspace saying how much they mean to me and stuff and in the message he wrote back he mentioned that he thinks im smart,cute,funny,sweet and all these nice things and idk. do you think its just a fan girl crush? do you think is possible he has any feelings twords me? am i crazy? lol or is it just even lust?! im so confused :( <3dazedandconfused

I really can’t tell you. That’s a whole lot. You started out as one of their first big fans so he might just be looking at you like that. You really have to be upfront about it and maybe be jokingly about it “Haha, it seems like you like me more than a friend;)” Or something along those lines so it doesn’t get awkward. But if he kinda just blows it off I don’t know. I myself would just come out and maybe ask some of the other band member and ask him if he’s just really flirty. You have to speak up, because he’s sending signs but it might be because he is just really nice.
-JaneDoe

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a few weeks ago my best male friend told me that he had fallen for me, because he has been alone for so long, and every relationship he has had has ended in disaster. and being that i am his only female friend in the same town that actually talks to him about everything, and listens to him always when hes down, he has started to like me more than a friend. i told him that i considered him as a brother, that he was a friend, and that i could never see him in the way he saw me, and that also i wasnt interested in a relationship, as i myself had just come out of a bad one. its been a few weeks since then, and over that time i had been talking to a friend from my school up here, and realised how much i actuallu adore him, as we have a lot in common and i love his company. so we began dating the other day. my best male friend found out today via wonderful facebook updates that im not dating the boy from my old school. im terrified that he’s now heartbroken and no longer wants to be friends. i was just wondering what i could say to him, if you have any suggestions. thankyou~ by Lolita

You really have to explain to him that you weren’t out there looking for a relationship but one just happened to land in your lap. You have to explain to him that he is one of your dearest friends and that losing him as a friend would be devastating. You really have to explain to him you don’t mean to hurt him, but it isn’t your fault your feelings for him aren’t the same, you can’t force yourself to like someone.
-JaneDoe

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- I strongly believe that she still needs to hear it from you. It isn’t right to her, and in the long-term, she’ll thank you. -JaneDoe - Alright. Last request — What do I say if she wants to hear from me?

Tell her the truth. Tell her how her husband isn’t good, obviously,he isn’t trustworthy. Tell her what you told me in the first place. Spill it all out. It’s either the whole truth or none.
-JaneDoe

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